I’ve been umm’ing and ahh’ing the last two months whether or not I should post this. I said I’d be 100% honest on this blog, and I’m going to be, even if it means going out of my comfort zone.
I have been on a six year journey with my mental health and recently I feel like I’ve turned a corner. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I was too young to understand so I didn’t do much about it. Then, at 19, old enough to understand I had a problem, I was diagnosed with depression. After a couple of months of being in denial, refusing to speak to someone and take medication, I decided enough was enough.
My mental health at one point, impacted every single aspect of my life. I’d panic before going to a party because larger crowds make me anxious, I’d cry before going to work because my job made me depressed and I’d think about what life would be like, if I wasn’t here. Now let me clear something up, I was never suicidal. I never wanted to kill myself, I never attempted to. But the thought of what life would be like if I wasn’t around constantly crossed my mind.
I’m making this post as a piece of advice and an important lesson that I’ve only just learnt recently. So many people say it get’s better. And it’s true, it does. But it’s important to remember, getting better isn’t easy. Learning to improve your lifestyle takes experimenting and sometimes being selfish. Sometimes it means saying no to going out because you feel anxious and need a self care day. That’s fine. Do it.
I used to say yes all the time because I felt the need to please people. But once I knew what it felt like to sit in a doctors room listening to him tell you that you have depression, I realised that I’m on this earth for me. And me only. And I need to take care of myself in order to live my life to the fullest.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s easier said than done and I’ve been lectured time and time again about not putting my mental health first. But I feel like I’m at a point in my journey where I can finally say, it does get better and it has gotten better. It just takes time.
For some maybe a year, for others maybe 10 years but it time heals all wounds along with resilience, and a strong belief that you deserve to be happy. I’ve made this post as a way to send a message to people. You may feel like you’re at the bottom of the hill, with no path to get on top, but it’s normal to feel like that and soon, when time passes, the fog will clear and you’ll learn to repair your life.
“This isn’t your life forever – I promise you. This is just a difficult and shitty stage where you feel vulnerable and sad and maybe you feel nothing at all, but one day you will see that all of this is making you stronger. All of this is making you a kinder, more compassionate person and you will help others with your story. When you have the courage to walk down the road of recovery – you will realise just how incredible you are. Whether it’s therapy or medication or something else that will help you, you have fucking got this. It won’t be easy, in fact, it’ll probably be the hardest thing you ever do, but it’s worth it and when you find the thing that heals you, utilise it. You’re not your illness and your mental health issues do not define you, they’re just a part of you… You’re loved, you’re deserving and you are the epitome of bravery. It get’s better” – Grace Victory